Monday, April 25, 2011

He is Risen Indeed!

Easter meant more to me this year than ever before.  There has always been the realization that the death and resurrection of Jesus is the very foundation of Christianity.  I have celebrated this season with gusto my entire life.  Growing up, we prepared for Easter by getting a new spring outfit (for me that included white gloves and a bonnet -girly girl my entire life), dying eggs, usually getting a little chick or duckling, attending the sunrise service and then church service and then dinner with family.  My Mama always connected those "traditions" with the bedrock of why we celebrated Easter at all.  It was ALWAYS brought back to Jesus,  His death and resurrection, and the acknowledgment that because of Him, we became "new creatures" who LIVE FOREVER.  I passed those traditions on to Sara (except for the wildlife).  

This past Easter weekend was full of remembrance and evaluation for me.  There have been many losses through the years and it has always been a comfort  knowing that one day we would all be reunited.  Over the past 15 years, losses have included my Mama and Daddy, Dennis' Mom and Dad, 7 aunts, 5 first cousins and a number of friends.  There was grief and sadness but Dennis and I had each other to lean on, and to remind each other of "our hope" for rejoining those we love.  

Since Dennis' death, to be perfectly candid, I have questioned the very existence of heaven and that hope for reunion.  As close and special as my relationship was with my mother, NOTHING prepared me for the despair I felt with the loss of Dennis.  It was vitally important to "know for sure" that he lived on.  There were moments that I questioned EVERY ELEMENT OF MY BELIEF SYSTEM.  He was so dynamic, significant, critical to "this world" that it was so perplexing to even entertain the thought of why a fair, sovereign God (whom he was working so effectively for) would snatch him without warning.  For what possible purpose would his effective ministry come to an abrupt end?  I cried out to God, begged, pleaded, rationally conversed with ( er....), railed and bawled for a sign that Dennis "LIVED ON" with naught in response.  ONLY SILENCE!  Even in HIS silence,  it is so apparent that God has been faithful to me.  He has used so many people to be His hand extended and to help bring healing to my broken heart. 

Now, a little farther down the road of healing, I come to realize that this is a "faith" journey.  It is most likely that the answers being sought will stay a mystery to me.  The reality of what Jesus accomplished through His death and resurrection impact me deeply.  There is so much brokenness in this world and it is absolutely necessary to live by faith and give up seeking answers that really won't change the circumstances.  I am certainly not brandishing any measure of great faith but realize that the power of Christ can work in my fracturable neediness and bring me ever closer to executing the plan He has for my life. My life is forever amended and there is no way to revise that fact.  However, my choice here and now is to hope and trust the Lord to give me direction.  I want to move forward and accomplish everything possible for His glory. 

Trying moments don't stop as you move on, they continue to hit you at such unusual times. An example of this has been the daunting task to choose a grave marker for someone you love intensely. While Sara was still here, we went to look at markers and she leaned toward a double stone with both Dennis' and my information on it.  My friend Sherli mentioned the phrase on the marker for her brother and his wife and it struck the perfect note with us.  The monument company will put both our names and birth dates on the stone and then they will put Dennis' date of death.  The phrase they will also put on the stone is:  HE FINISHED WELL   I have secured a promise from Sara that ONLY IF I too finish my race with faithfulness, living my life abundantly, that they will add upon my death two additional letters so that the stone will read:  THEY FINISHED WELL.  You know, it doesn't really matter at all how you start the race - all that matters is how you finish it.  I am striving to get back on track and finish my race with exhilaration and zeal!

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."  Romans 8:11

1 comment:

  1. Mama Teena, you will finish well! I love you so very much!

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